Babies and dirty diapers
Posted 2 months, 1 week ago at 11:27 am. 0 comments
The dude that invented Pampers is sitting on a gold mine, no doubt about it.
Keep your trash can handy (that’s for the people out there who don’t have kids and have yet to really experience the disgusting foulness that can come out of your child’s butt).
I remember my Mom or Nanny asking me before our baby was born “are you going to change dirty diapers?” I said “of course….what kind of Dad do you think I am going to be?”
So when our little bundle of joy arrived I dove in head first. They don’t stink when the baby is brand new (and everyone will tell you this if you don’t have kids yet). This is true. They did not stink. They were pretty funky looking but no funky smell.
That lasts a couple of weeks. I can’t really remember how long it was before they started to smell like……….well…….Shit…….. but the day came oh too soon. Oh how I long for the days of dirty diapers that do not smell but they are gone forever. Sometimes there is just a little squirt in there which is an easy 1 wipe and diaper swap but sometimes I get in there and say “What in the name of all that is Holy is wrong with my child?”
Those of you with kids know what I am talking about. I mean there’s shit that looks like jiffy peanut butter (the crunchy kind), caramel, tar, mudslide and sometimes I just say “Honey - get the camera, no one’s every gonna believe this shit came out of a child!!”
Sometimes it is so liquified that it oozes up the back of her diaper and explodes out the back like a shit volcano. I mean what the hell causes that. It’s like Mount Shitius back there. There have been times that we were just like “man the hell with this, I’m giving her a bath” because a few wipes just wont do the trick. I’m not conservative when it comes to baby ass wipes but there is only so much shit I want to get on my hands while attempting to clean up what looks like a mud hole that a horse drawn carriage has driven through.
And all this while she is kicking and flailing stomping her little feet into the shit filled, mud slide, Mount Shitius shit flowing diaper pocket.
Parents you have been there. Don’t deny it. What goes in must come out no matter how nasty it looks or smells. If you are not a parent you are probably saying “no way would I ever want to change a dirty diaper” but you wait until they get here and that will all change. Stay tuned for more excitement. As my wife has said “this is the beginning of a new chapter in our lives”